percivalthegale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
percivalthegale) wrote2008-06-08 12:36 am
percivalthegale) wrote2008-06-08 12:36 am
Entry tags:
midnight entry
The nightmares may have stopped...but I'm still having unsettled dreams. Having been woken by one, I can't get back to sleep...so perhaps I'll write.
Sir Wyatt gave me some good advice the other day. I don't yet know how to apply it, though. It's easy to tell someone to follow his own path, it's another to actually see what that path is. I have no idea what mine is, or I would follow it in a heartbeat. Maybe he was right...maybe I ought not give up on the dating game so quickly. Maybe I should be patient and give it one more try, assuming all the things that have happened since haven't changed Luserina's mind about me. It's funny. Had she somehow cut me loose even after that one nice date we had, right away, I would have probably been very disappointed. But if she rejects me now, regardless of whether it's fair, I don't think I would protest. I think...I would be all right. But I shouldn't give up without one more try. I must be sure.
I wish I could sleep decently, and not suffer these dreams. The actual nightmares ended after Watari and I cleared the air, and I found I could respect him and appreciate his friendship again. But something is still stuck in my head, wedged like a log in a stream, damming it up. I don't know what, or why, but I pray it stops soon. I have to consciously steer my mind away from the lingering images or they'll plague me all day, all week for that matter, popping into my head at the most inopportune times. I find myself having to recite the Knight's Code to myself, or mentally list the chores I need to do in the morning, to keep the dreams from taking root in my head. I know I'm unsettled, my brain doesn't have to remind me of it by recycling random places, faces, and situations from the day in such a rude fashion. If this lasts too much longer, I may have to ask if someone in the infirmary has any herbal remedies. I believe Master Mathiu is back from his trip, he ought to be able to help me sleep.
Damn. I can't even collect my thoughts to pen them. The baths aren't open so late at night, and the tavern is the worst place for me right now. Perhaps I'll take a walk. Outside. It's a fair night, with enough moon to see by. Better than than sit here, afraid to sleep and afraid that every little sound I make will wake Borus.
Whatever curse bestowed me with this horrible run of bad luck, I hope it breaks soon. It goes back before May Day, now that I think about it. It all started when that bastard Luc tried to kill me by teleporting a boat into the air above my head. It's been getting steadily worse since then, and now I've gone and raised his ire a second time. May Day was mostly my own fault, but I don't know what I've done to offend the fates to warrant being...assaulted, and embarrassed, and teleported...dear Goddess, protect me from that which I cannot fight with blade or rune.
Sir Wyatt gave me some good advice the other day. I don't yet know how to apply it, though. It's easy to tell someone to follow his own path, it's another to actually see what that path is. I have no idea what mine is, or I would follow it in a heartbeat. Maybe he was right...maybe I ought not give up on the dating game so quickly. Maybe I should be patient and give it one more try, assuming all the things that have happened since haven't changed Luserina's mind about me. It's funny. Had she somehow cut me loose even after that one nice date we had, right away, I would have probably been very disappointed. But if she rejects me now, regardless of whether it's fair, I don't think I would protest. I think...I would be all right. But I shouldn't give up without one more try. I must be sure.
I wish I could sleep decently, and not suffer these dreams. The actual nightmares ended after Watari and I cleared the air, and I found I could respect him and appreciate his friendship again. But something is still stuck in my head, wedged like a log in a stream, damming it up. I don't know what, or why, but I pray it stops soon. I have to consciously steer my mind away from the lingering images or they'll plague me all day, all week for that matter, popping into my head at the most inopportune times. I find myself having to recite the Knight's Code to myself, or mentally list the chores I need to do in the morning, to keep the dreams from taking root in my head. I know I'm unsettled, my brain doesn't have to remind me of it by recycling random places, faces, and situations from the day in such a rude fashion. If this lasts too much longer, I may have to ask if someone in the infirmary has any herbal remedies. I believe Master Mathiu is back from his trip, he ought to be able to help me sleep.
Damn. I can't even collect my thoughts to pen them. The baths aren't open so late at night, and the tavern is the worst place for me right now. Perhaps I'll take a walk. Outside. It's a fair night, with enough moon to see by. Better than than sit here, afraid to sleep and afraid that every little sound I make will wake Borus.
Whatever curse bestowed me with this horrible run of bad luck, I hope it breaks soon. It goes back before May Day, now that I think about it. It all started when that bastard Luc tried to kill me by teleporting a boat into the air above my head. It's been getting steadily worse since then, and now I've gone and raised his ire a second time. May Day was mostly my own fault, but I don't know what I've done to offend the fates to warrant being...assaulted, and embarrassed, and teleported...dear Goddess, protect me from that which I cannot fight with blade or rune.