percivalthegale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
percivalthegale) wrote2009-08-03 10:55 pm
percivalthegale) wrote2009-08-03 10:55 pm
To sleep perhaps...
Far too many sleepless nights over the past week or so have left me a humorless lump. I have a feeling I may have to make the rounds and apologize to some friends who have borne the brunt of my attitude.
...but then, why should I? Why do I insist on blaming myself for every ill turn and stroke of bad luck in my life? Maybe it's as much another's fault as my own. I've never had a problem pointing out Borus's small flaws, just as he holds a mirror up to mine. Yet, when it comes to other friends, I am far too eager to please and take their flaws onto myself. I shouldn't. I should just let people be people, and if they don't like me, tough.
So easy to write on this page. So difficult to carry out.
I had been doing so well. Months have gone by since the last time I found myself plagued by dreams. Why, the last I remember was just before my birthday - in February! I've been fine, up until very recently. Dear Goddess... I wish I knew what actually caused my inner mind to form them, so I could avoid it. Forever a mystery.
Day by day, my shoulder improves, but the joint is still very stiff and I can't raise my arm higher than even-height with my shoulder. I try every night while lying in bed to stretch it further, but it simply won't. I don't doubt it will take months to rehabilitate into at least a decent mobility. At least, it isn't very painful anymore. Only if I try to stretch it. I may attempt to return to duty, if Borus will assist me with my armor every morning and evening. I used to be able to put it on by myself, but at the moment I can't stretch my left arm far enough to work the hasps on the chestplate. It's quite pathetic for a knight of my standing to fumble with his armor like a squire. Ah, if only I had a squire. But that would require being stationed in Vinay del Zexay so said squire could be trained and educated in between assisting me. Hence why I've never taken one - my services were required on the battlefield instead, most of my career.
I am so tired of taking time off. I am bored. There isn't anything going on, the liveliest action on the grounds since I got out of the infirmary was Admiral Egan's drunken birthday declaration yesterday. I am sorely tempted to ask Lord Salome to transfer me to Brass Castle for a while - at least there I can supervise training or something without having to exert my shoulder. Considering how much I usually enjoy the amenities here - the cafe, the baths, the library, and such - that is a rather telling statement.
At least I have finally gotten to speak with Kathy, a little. I have been such a fool. How anyone can stand to put up with me sometimes is beyond me.
...but then, why should I? Why do I insist on blaming myself for every ill turn and stroke of bad luck in my life? Maybe it's as much another's fault as my own. I've never had a problem pointing out Borus's small flaws, just as he holds a mirror up to mine. Yet, when it comes to other friends, I am far too eager to please and take their flaws onto myself. I shouldn't. I should just let people be people, and if they don't like me, tough.
So easy to write on this page. So difficult to carry out.
I had been doing so well. Months have gone by since the last time I found myself plagued by dreams. Why, the last I remember was just before my birthday - in February! I've been fine, up until very recently. Dear Goddess... I wish I knew what actually caused my inner mind to form them, so I could avoid it. Forever a mystery.
Day by day, my shoulder improves, but the joint is still very stiff and I can't raise my arm higher than even-height with my shoulder. I try every night while lying in bed to stretch it further, but it simply won't. I don't doubt it will take months to rehabilitate into at least a decent mobility. At least, it isn't very painful anymore. Only if I try to stretch it. I may attempt to return to duty, if Borus will assist me with my armor every morning and evening. I used to be able to put it on by myself, but at the moment I can't stretch my left arm far enough to work the hasps on the chestplate. It's quite pathetic for a knight of my standing to fumble with his armor like a squire. Ah, if only I had a squire. But that would require being stationed in Vinay del Zexay so said squire could be trained and educated in between assisting me. Hence why I've never taken one - my services were required on the battlefield instead, most of my career.
I am so tired of taking time off. I am bored. There isn't anything going on, the liveliest action on the grounds since I got out of the infirmary was Admiral Egan's drunken birthday declaration yesterday. I am sorely tempted to ask Lord Salome to transfer me to Brass Castle for a while - at least there I can supervise training or something without having to exert my shoulder. Considering how much I usually enjoy the amenities here - the cafe, the baths, the library, and such - that is a rather telling statement.
At least I have finally gotten to speak with Kathy, a little. I have been such a fool. How anyone can stand to put up with me sometimes is beyond me.