prose log with Euram

[percivalthegale]

Who: Percival and Euram (falenas_fop)
When: immediately after Percival escorted Euram to his room
Where: Euram's room
What: omg...not yelling at each other

Euram led the way back to his room in silence. Percival had been right that they were not bothered as they walked. He left the door open behind him for Percival though he did not officially invite him in. The room looked like what one would expect his room too. There were bright colors and expensive pieces of art littered about (purchased before his money troubles). It was messier than his rooms at Rainwall had been, primarily due to him not being good at cleaning up after himself. The other difference rested in the pile of paints and canvas turned towards the wall in one of the corners. He didn’t really acknowledge that he’d led someone else to his room, but he did sit in one of the chairs besides a small table.

Percival paused in the doorway, knowing his manners and that now was not the time to forget any of them. "Er, is there anything else you need?" he asked hesitantly. "Otherwise, I'll leave you be...are those...?" The messier corner distracted him. "...you paint, Sir Euram?"

Euram looked up at being addressed, debating between waving him out and wanting company. “At times,” he replied with a shrug. “One cannot be expected to spend a great deal of time their room with nothing to distract them from the tedium. So far I have only completed two pieces to celebrate Luserina and Cecile’s birthdays.” He looked at Percival face still a mask of woe, but with a tinge of skepticism on top of it. “Do you find this so shocking?”

"Well..." Percival shrugged slightly. "Despite the number of times we've run into each other and held high-volume conversations, I really don't know anything about you. Such as whether you have any hobbies. You've only been 'Luserina's annoying brother' to me, I never bothered to learn anything beyond that."

“Hpmf, yet without any knowledge were perfectly content to pass judgements” Euram rested his elbows on the small table and looked away. He brought his head down to rest on his hands unconsciously as he pouted, and naturally upset the bruise. He jumped up wincing, the tears that were barely held back threatening to spill, as he tried and failed to hide the terrible reaction to his unfamiliarity with being injured.

For some reason, every twitch of Euram's just made Percival want to sigh. He held it back this time, though he did take a step into the room so that he could speak without being heard in the hallway. "I might point out that you often do the same," he said in the most non-accusatory tone he could. "But then, when you start off on the wrong foot, it's hard to do anything else."

Euram rested his hands in his lap to avoid any further painful incidents, and looked down at the reprimand. Another time he might have pointed out how them being off on the wrong foot was Percival’s fault entirely, but everything from the previous days had subdued him. After a moment of silence, Euram addressed his guest without looking up, “If you wish to stay, then at least close the door. The inhabitants of this castle are far too nosy and taken to gossip.”

Percival hesitated, but had no more excuse to leave than to stay, so he reached over and pushed the door closed behind him. "That is true," he admitted idly. "I've been able to get plenty of information that way, but...perhaps encouraging it isn't such a good idea." He took off his gauntlets and folded his arms. "So. You seem to be taking this fiasco pretty hard. I didn't know a punch to the face would do it."

There was another chair available but Euram didn’t offer it. He sighed deeply before answering, attention was still focused on the tabletop as he attempted to collect himself.  “Fiasco, that is an appropriate word for my life.” He almost started laughing again as he had in the elevator, but it was caught by a sob, and he fell silent. “I do not expect you to understand anything beyond a physical abuse,” he started again. An idea suddenly came to him and he looked over at Percival, “If I ask you a question you will be truthful will you not sir knight? I asked it of my sister but I fear her kind nature caused her to lie.”

Percival tilted his head in a conciliatory shrug. "I will. Whether for good or bad, I can't take responsibility, but...you asked, so I will be honest. What is it?"

“I’m not asking for your opinion as that is already obvious,” Euram said, before breathing heavily and continuing. “I’m hated by everyone aren’t I?”

Percival winced. "Well..." Oh, this wasn't going to be easy. "I'm not sure I can answer fully...because I don't know about everyone, and I don't know...that 'hate' is the right word." He rubbed his chin against his knuckles, looking away. "I know there are many who dislike you...who speak derisively of you, but...not everybody does. Surely not." He lifted his head sharply. "Surely your own sister doesn't hate you..."

“Oh, but she should,” Euram said miserably, trembling as he kept himself from crying. “The things she has been put through. Oh and she did. You know nothing of our past, she did hate me. I thought it was unjust but she was completely in the right.”

"What?" Percival's eyes went wide, and he stepped closer. "I don't see how that could be. You..." He shook his head quickly. "Then, maybe you ought to explain, because I don't understand," he said more firmly. "In all this time, Luserina has never told me anything about her family, or the events of the war in Falena, or anything. We spoke of Rainwall's waterfalls, and that's it."

Euram cringed into himself at the reaction. Of course he didn’t want to bring up the past, but talking had helped put things in perspective before…and it wasn’t as though Percival could get a lower opinion of him. “I..I did terrible things, Father and I…oh,” he brought the handkerchief to his eyes, dabbing at them. “When she found out, she disowned her family and fought against us with the Prince. And it was right of her to do…oh that she even still speaks to me is miraculous and underserved.”

"Then...she couldn't possibly hate you, if she's forgiven you by now..." Percival started to pace, though the clank of his armor was loud in the small room and made him stop. He distracted himself looking at a painting instead, inwardly hoping it wasn't one of Euram's. "You sound...well, contrite. You admit that you did wrong. That...surprises me, honestly," he said, turning around, "but then, perhaps that's why so many people have a sour opinion of you. You've never done or said anything remotely contrite or humble in the time I've known you."

Euram flinched at each loud clank of the armor. “Why do you continue to insist on making that terrible noise?!” he almost screeched. He gestured to the extra chair, “Sit or stand still, it is a horrible clatter.” He crossed his arms and thought about what Percival had said. “I have tried to make some amends, you would not have known because I had nothing to say to you…but that is meaningless if I will also be hated for wrongs I have not committed!”

Shrugging again, Percival took him on the offer and sank into the other chair, though it took some maneuvering. "You'll get no argument from me that it's unfair for you to be accused of something you haven't done." One elegant eyebrow arched upward. "You know, much like you've accused me of having the wrong thoughts toward your sister. But," he went on before Euram could protest, "I don't think anyone hates you for what happened the last few days. It will probably pass and in another week or so, no one will remember."

Euram looked down pouting again at the comparison, but made no further comment on it yet. “If no one hates me, then why was I so quick to be blamed?!” He slammed his fist on the table for further emphasis and then instantly regretted it as it hurt. The pain kept any further rants in check as he sat there breathing heavily to maintain what was left of his composure.

Percival shook his head slowly, sadly. "I don't know. I wasn't the one doing the accusing, I can't say. I heard the shouting, but as I said, you and I both left before anything got so out of hand." He tilted his head to the side curiously. "What is it you truly want to know? Why people tend to dislike you?"

Euram rested his elbows on the table again, and this time rested his non-injured cheek on them. “Oh of course they should. I’m terrible, absolutely wretched,” Euram said, looking forlornly to the side. “But I have been so careful to keep that from being mentioned. How does everyone here manage to see beneath and hate me so readily?”

Percival stared hard at the table. He would have rather been fighting twenty Lizards or eating Nanami's cooking than try to handle this, but there was no just getting up and excusing himself. "I can't answer for the others. Only myself."

“What’s the point in trying to make amends if they will merely find another reason to hate me?” Euram asked, unable to pick up on any of the uncomfortable cues from Percival.

Again, Percival winced, though out of sympathy this time. "It's so easy to hate someone when you don't really know them, or see them as a person who has feelings much as you do," he murmured, not realizing he was speaking his internal realization aloud.

“Hmm,” Euram took a shuddered breath as he thought about what was said. “I see,” he started lowly, still looking away. “Perhaps my long sojourns into seclusion have been part of the problem then…I wonder it mother thought the same things in her solitude.”
Percival sat up a little. "I think that's the first I've ever heard you mention your mother," he noted. "Always this and that about your father, but..." He rested his chin on his knuckles. "You know, my mother is all I have left. I have no siblings, my father was killed when I was very young. She still lives in Iksay, the little town near to here."

Euram looked back over at Percival, he hadn’t even been aware that he’d mentioned her. “Ah well,” he said shifting awkwardly. “We do not often talk about mother.” He listened to Percival explain his situation and nodded, “I see. Obviously Luserina is my only family in this time and place. However, our family used to be quite large.” He trailed off and straightened in his seat, “You said you were young, how young?”

Percival lowered his gaze only slightly. "I was nine," he said gently. "Bandits raided the village, and attacked the mill where my father worked. I had to be the man of the house until I went away to begin training, at fourteen. Naturally, that means my mother and I are very close, for we only had each other." He rolled his eyes slightly. "...except when she asks me if she's going to have grandchildren anytime soon."

“Your father worked in a mill?” Euram repeated, raising an eyebrow. He had assumed that as a knight Percival had some form of noble background. He let that piece of interesting information go however for the time being. “I was eight when I lost first my older sister, then brother and finally mother. It seems we have found common ground in shared young loss.”

The knight nodded. "I grew up in Iksay, it's just a tiny farming community. I wanted to serve my country, though, so I became a knight, and..." He looked away slightly...this was something he had wanted to explain a long time ago. "While I do have a nobleman's name, it's mine alone. Captain Galahad gave it to me as a mark of distinction, that I earned it by my behavior and service to Zexen." He breathed a long sigh. "That's a shame, Euram. It's one thing to have no siblings, it's another to have lost all but one. And...your mother?" He raised his eyebrows in question.

If he had found this information out before this conversation it certainly would have been used against him in one of their ‘loud conversations’. However his attention was turned almost entirely to his own past. “Yes, my older sister’s loss was least damaging to the family, as she was taken by illness. Hiram’s death is what changed everything. He was assassinated during the war by the vile Godwin faction, after this Mother…wouldn’t leave her room.”
Percival's expression became appropriately sympathetic. "That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear it."

Euram’s gaze was focused to the side and he nibbled on one of his nails in a habit he thought he had been broken of. “I know what happened to Dad…There’s nothing that says what happened to her. She was crushed by my sister and Hiram’s death, then by Luserina’s abandonment after she found the dawn rune…oh! I can’t bare to imagine what must have happened when she was left in an empty house by father’s death and myself and Luserina being brought here.”

Percival scratched at his cheek. "Why don't you ask Luserina? I got the impression that she was brought here after the war was over...after the trouble should have settled."

Euram looked at him confused by how much and little sense that made. He shook his head emphatically, “No, no, if she knew she certainly would have made some mention of it!” He’d almost forgotten the initial reason he had been upset as one line of thought moved to another completely. He moved his hands to wipe at his eyes again, brushing against the still angry bruise. “Ow!” he cried covering it with both hands, waiting for the pain to subside, and the initial reason for this episode to come back to mind. Worrying about mother was something he would always do, but it would not help him overcome any of the other obstacles in his way.

"Well, considering she never told me any of this, and she pretty much left you to your own devices after treating your bruise, not to mention going off to who knows where and coming back looking like that..." Percival huffed. "Honestly, I have to wonder sometimes. Perhaps she wouldn't have to keep apologizing for your behavior if she did something to help turn it around instead of always complaining. Like help you, perhaps."

Euram was taken aback by everything that Percival said about Luserina. It was not expected based on the relationship he’d assumed the two had. His guilt over everything he’d done to her wouldn’t let him allow it. “See! Again!” he said rising up to protect his sister’s reputation. “She is being blamed for my actions! I told you I was nothing but a burden, you yourself told me she deserved a better brother than me and this is the reason!”
Percival started. "I wasn't blaming...! Euram! Calm down." He frowned, but held his temper. After all, he wasn't angry with Euram...yet. "I only meant that...maybe if Luserina actually did anything to help you, you wouldn't be in such a mess. I..." He held out both hands helplessly. "I'm trying to be nice, here! Give me the benefit of the doubt for two minutes!"

The emotional turmoil he’d been putting himself through had tired and subdued Euram enough that he didn’t continue into one of their normal arguments. Instead he pouted, “I won’t don’t your intentions this time, but please leave Luserina out of this!” He bowed his head catching his breath again, “Any mess that has come into my life is by my actions. I am only grateful that she has escaped any of their marks.”

Percival laced his fingers together and rested his chin on them. "Fine, then. I can't say as it's a bad thing to want to take responsibility for your own actions. In fact, it's downright honorable of you. But really..." His expression saddened a notch. "...feeling so terrible about yourself will only go so far before it becomes destructive."

“But I am terrible,” Euram replied simply. He wasn’t able to grasp the concept Percival was making about a self-destructive cycle as he was caught completely inside it. “Any destruction would obviously be a penance for the destruction I have caused.”

 "Is that so?" Now Percival's brows knit in deep concern. "Is this the sort of penance that would cost you your life? I don't know what you've done, but..."

The question forced Euram to pause. It was easy for his mind to go down that path without thinking about it, but the blatant question made him stop. “Yes…” he said lowly after the deliberation. “Why not when Lord Rovere…oh my and his entire family…and city. Oh my! That could have just as easily happened to Rainwall, oh! And Luserina and mother too…” His words picked up speed as his mind raced, his whole body managing to match the fearful look in his eyes.

Percival's dark eyes widened...that wasn't the answer he was hoping for. He didn't know anything about the people and places Euram spoke of, but simply saying "yes" was enough. "You...you're not going to..." He looked around the room quickly, hoping there were no weapons at hand.

Euram snapped back to paying attention to Percival when he started moving. As usual his trail of thought had taken him into his own world, and the other might as well not have been there. He shrank back into himself at how that might have sounded to Percival, oh no and no matter how much he’d worried about it on his own he’d been trying not to mention it here. But then, anytime he got caught up things had a way of being blurted. “Going to what?” he asked almost fearfully, his thoughts not in the same vein as the knights.

Percival tried to put on a more authoritative look. "You aren't planning to do yourself harm as some kind of 'penance' for these things you speak of," he said warily.

Euram twisted in his chair in response to the authoritative glare. It wasn’t the reaction he’d have expected after one heard, and he assumed understood, what he’d done. The thought had crossed his mind briefly before, but he’d certainly never anticipated it coming up in conversation, especially with Percival. He didn’t know how to take it but had to back up from stare. “What?” he almost squeeked. “Where…why would you bring this up?”
"You were the one who brought it up." Percival's eyebrows eased slightly, looking more worried than stern. "At least, that's what it sounded like to me. If I'm wrong, please...by all means. I want to be sure."

Euram squirmed in his seat again, dropping his gaze, but at least no longer trying to back up. “I…” he started looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I don’t know.”

Percival shook his head. "It isn't the answer. It never is. It only leaves your loved ones bereft and you with no chance to correct what went wrong." He sighed heavily. "It may not do any good for me to ask you not to do such a thing, but..."

Euram prickled back at that. The thoughts to contradict him and the image of people actually being upset jumbled and expressed themselves with a raised eyebrow and suspicious look. “Don’t patronize me!” Euram said sternly. “It was you who brought it up and I know you would have no qualms if…Stop it!”

"No qualms...?" Percival shook his head again. "That's where you're wrong, Euram. I'm not a monster, I wouldn't relish something like that." His brow furrowed yet again. "I don't...I don't think I hate you. Not...now."

Euram was stubbornly trying to ignore him as he was quite done with this line of conversation. However that attempt completely failed at his last admission. That was completely unexpected and cause Euram to blink, staring at him almost in confusion. The look quickly turned to suspicion as he wasn’t sure if he could trust him and he momentarily fell speechless.

The gaping look from Euram made Percival hedge. "Er, what I mean is...it's like I said. It's easy to look down on someone when you know nothing about them, but once you see their humanity..." He held both hands up, palms up. "There is still much I don't know, admittedly, and I only have your word on these horrible things you supposedly have done since no one else has really told me anything similar..."

Euram relaxed and straightened into his normal noble countenance; the poise measured slightly by the still prominent purple mark on his cheek. “Ah yes well, if you truly wished more information I’m certain it is out there for all too see by this point in time. Sir Sigurd seemed to have no problem in finding it at the least.”

"Oh?" Percival settled back in the chair. "I wasn't aware of that. I did find a few books that referenced Falena, but nothing with the kinds of things you've told me - about yourself." He huffed a sigh and peered across at Euram and his attempt at putting on airs. "So. What do you intend to do now? Continue to hole up here and avoid everyone, or something else to put an end to your problems?"

Euram shrunk down from his haughty posture at the question.  That was a hard question to answer. He’d been trying to come up with a solution for months and it was eluding him. “I do not believe that is the appropriate course,” he said finally about staying in his room. “I don’t know what is, but I believe mother would be most displeased with me if I were to follow her footsteps in such a way.”

"But you're unhappy with the idea that people around here...are not kind to you," Percival said diplomatically.

Euram slammed his fist down on the table in emphasis as he turned a determined, yet still pouting, face to Percival. “I have tried to acclimate to these surroundings! Everyone makes it quite too difficult!”

"Did it ever occur to you that, perhaps, part of the problem is you?" Percival waved a hand cautiously to keep Euram from reacting badly to that. "Hear me out, please. You mention all these reasons you seem to be a horrible person, but consider that my opinion of you was formed solely on your behavior here, at Budehuc. I didn't and still don't know anything of your past, so it didn't inform me at all. If you want me, or anyone else, to like you, or at least not hate you, then perhaps you ought to examine yourself."

Euram’s jaw dropped ready to reply along the lines of ‘hadn’t Percival been listening?!’ but crossed his arms and pouted instead at he continued. The stern crease of his lips loosened with each word into something gloomier. “I have tried,” he said again, playing with the lace on his wrists. “I don’t know what people want. Every time I believe I have figured it out the rules change, such as what happened with the bath master.”

Scratching his cheek, Percival searched for a suitable explanation. "Well...I did hear a lot of shouting coming from behind the wall. Perhaps you ought to start by not raising your voice to people." He twirled a hand idly in the air. "Life isn't a set of rules, Euram. I know being nobility forces you to play certain games, I know all too well. But it's all false. Living with real people, day in and day out, means dropping that pretense and dealing with whatever comes your way."

Euram sighed, looking down rather sullenly. “You’re attempts at advice leave much to be desired,” he complained childishly. He didn’t want to be told there were no rules, he wanted to be told what to do to fix everything.

"Yes, well...it's the only advice I have." Percival pushed himself to his feet and took up his gauntlets. "I could talk until I turned blue, but in the end, the one who has to make decisions and act upon them is you - and you alone." He stepped toward the door, feeling free at last to leave Euram to his own devices, no longer afraid the young nobleman would hurt himself. "Ask yourself whether you're becoming the kind of man your mother would be proud of. It's what I ask myself anytime I get in a bind."

Euram made no move to stand or show Percival out, as would have been polite. He was too lost in his thoughts.  What his mother would be proud of, huh? “Sir Percival,” Euram called out before the knight could leave. “Thank you for the escort. It is…good to know that the dislike to be found in the castle is not entirely universal.”

Percival paused briefly with his back to Euram. "You're welcome. I wouldn't want to see any further incidents." He glanced briefly over his shoulder. "Take care of yourself." And then he was gone, letting himself out and clanking away down the hall.