percivalthegale (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
percivalthegale) wrote2009-02-07 10:06 pm
percivalthegale) wrote2009-02-07 10:06 pm
Entry tags:
Make it stop...
What is wrong with me? I can't even do my duty! I expended all my energy on one swing of my sword, and it did some good, but then I completely lost it! I lost my head, I nearly got a taste of that rune's power...and to top it off I looked like a weak fool in front of everybody. But what else was I supposed to do? The Queen used a great power, am I supposed to just pretend it didn't happen? I can't!
I need to sleep. I need to forget about these dreams and just sleep, not live in constant fear of them. Every night for a week...
No. That's not helping forget. Writing it down will only prolong it.
Watari's tea is not strong enough. I need something else to quiet my mind long enough to sleep soundly, to sleep off this exhaustion and prepare myself to do my duty.
And yet...what is my duty? For a moment I stood gaping before the Queen, and I couldn't recollect what it is that I'm supposed to do. I ran my mouth to Miss Alenia about keeping the peace and all that, but then an incident actually happens, and I fail. I let the culprit get away, I stood by and watched as Luca Blight was felled by some rune. I don't even know which, but I know it isn't normal. I feel like I'm missing something, one vital clue, but I'm so sleep-deprived I can't begin to think what it is.
I think I must go to Lord Salome and ask him...what it is I'm supposed to do here. Whose law is to be followed, whose authority is to be used? Am I any good if there are no Zexens around to defend, am I just...idly kicking my heels around here like some miscreant? Should I be reassigned to Brass Castle or the Tinto border like the rest of the knights? I don't know. I wish I knew. Goddess, I am so tired, I can't even think clearly right now. When I've had some sleep, I will go to Lord Salome. Yes. That will do.
Even if I have one of those dreams...compared to the ones I've had the last two nights, since talking to Troy about Captain Galahad, those others aren't quite nightmares. I don't like having them, they're disturbing, but not as nightmarish. Dear Goddess, if these visions are meant to tell me something, please give me a sign! I can't understand them on my own! Or take them away from me and leave me grasping in the dark. I hope, when I can fall asleep, that they aren't the battlefield nightmares, or the ones about being left alone and bereft. I will take the other disturbing ones over that.
I need to sleep. I need to forget about these dreams and just sleep, not live in constant fear of them. Every night for a week...
No. That's not helping forget. Writing it down will only prolong it.
Watari's tea is not strong enough. I need something else to quiet my mind long enough to sleep soundly, to sleep off this exhaustion and prepare myself to do my duty.
And yet...what is my duty? For a moment I stood gaping before the Queen, and I couldn't recollect what it is that I'm supposed to do. I ran my mouth to Miss Alenia about keeping the peace and all that, but then an incident actually happens, and I fail. I let the culprit get away, I stood by and watched as Luca Blight was felled by some rune. I don't even know which, but I know it isn't normal. I feel like I'm missing something, one vital clue, but I'm so sleep-deprived I can't begin to think what it is.
I think I must go to Lord Salome and ask him...what it is I'm supposed to do here. Whose law is to be followed, whose authority is to be used? Am I any good if there are no Zexens around to defend, am I just...idly kicking my heels around here like some miscreant? Should I be reassigned to Brass Castle or the Tinto border like the rest of the knights? I don't know. I wish I knew. Goddess, I am so tired, I can't even think clearly right now. When I've had some sleep, I will go to Lord Salome. Yes. That will do.
Even if I have one of those dreams...compared to the ones I've had the last two nights, since talking to Troy about Captain Galahad, those others aren't quite nightmares. I don't like having them, they're disturbing, but not as nightmarish. Dear Goddess, if these visions are meant to tell me something, please give me a sign! I can't understand them on my own! Or take them away from me and leave me grasping in the dark. I hope, when I can fall asleep, that they aren't the battlefield nightmares, or the ones about being left alone and bereft. I will take the other disturbing ones over that.